Back In Love

In a moment of time the heart cried out why are we still apart, and the mind answered to say                             “I decided to accept” with time, this chapter has completed its last story line.

As I look around in different places with different faces to find what is missing in my heart, is where the world is "dark" so I search the heaven's "sunrise & sunset" but only time grows us more apart. As one question still lingers in my heart which is will there be "any or no regrets", while we manage to figure out "if this one fits" into a lifelong plan to building a life with? And what if the heart's genuine intention was only to hold onto, another day wishing for the possibility "that love will return back to you and me" or maybe this is just another epiphany, of fantasizing about loving you and me.

I pray to the heavens above please God don't send me just anyone to love. But if given one fair chance send me a love with a mature mind, open heart and willing hands. So that I don't have to accept the reality of knowing the truth about "when it's time to let go" and how the heart and mind will separate with time to let you know.

Master Mind

This passage has some similarities to a personality quiz depending on the seat your sitting in. And yes I've taken several test but this time the tester was impressed. And there was a method to this madness while being observed there was tension in a group of people separated in one room. By evaluating how we clearly or indirectly communicate in a working place. And some of the personality traits demonstrated were dominant, analytical, social butterflies and others showed signs of compassion but be prepared before asking. Now let's begin.

I ask the question if a person is always finding tedious things to approach another person with where is the clarity in the real problem that only exist to that person who is struggling with it?

If access to any need exist then why do people feel the need to aggravate themselves by manipulating time to go out of their way and humor the people they will always need?

If people always find themselves in the same predicament, and making the same choices with the same type of people or mindset then how is it possible to change their choices. And is something not wired correctly in our heads.

If people succeed are fail at least they have tried. But what attitude takes residence to feel another person owes you for time.

If a person goes out and create financial debt its understood things happen, if a personal falls in & out of relationships it can't always be who their dealing with, if your cultures are different but someone is set on changing you first figure what this person is about, before adjusting yourself to be lost behind someone else.

I know some of us wonder on any given day where did our family come from. And what I'm saying is even the perfect family has issues to deal with. But never give up on them simply walk away, just take that time to salvage your mind.

If a person has to work to survive appreciate peoples time who are willing to share with you, a moment or two, because time is not on anyone's side but yet we rob and steal it every day of our lives.

How can we take time to say "I need to go away and find myself". But return with more burdens for some else. And if we were searching to for-fill that void in our lives how is it we continue to complicate our  lives. Because i was not brought up that way is no longer an excuse to avoid internal change

How is another person obligated to figure out your responsibilities if you’re a healthy & physical thinking human being. But yet we possess this internal anger for such things like finding a sponsor to pay my bills, who going to look after my kids and for some people that time is utilized somewhere else looking for hookups, shacking for convenience or living nice because I can in life. Where there is world filled with children waiting to feel love inside, an elder waiting to see your face for the last time, a long lost friend who could use an encouraging word & not your "wicked" propositions. Or maybe a parent you take for granted but your busy keeping up with life so it never passes your mind. But if were to take a glance with compassion in our eyes we can see clearly one another's lives and how our bodies are changing with time, our minds are cluttered in limited space where time is slowly evaporating. Why, not just change our ways.

I know this not apply to well balanced & perfect people in this life. But Humanity makes choices & mistakes, we all have morals, values & beliefs, we all have a candid way of doing our own things. But how much of it can we always justify of choices that weigh down our lives. And not wonder if our hearts are not for filled inside.

I APOLOGIZE

Old friends, silent enemies & associates if I have offended anyone in my life, I sincerely apologize.

I'm speechless but I must say it’s a concern to see so many people end long friendships, people who are shacking for financial convenience, partners sharing their mates, single or separated people struggling to communicate in dysfunctional relationships due to the undealt with junk in their closets. It is heart drenching to know how some people can’t find an inch of happiness by letting go of old baggage. It is sad to see people look for an excuse to live in misery by manipulating other people to deal with their misery. It is sad to watch unfold how some people will invest time to make you unhappy then lose control. It is saturating to think there has never been anything done under the sun. But yet people are prideful not to dig more than 1 ditch at a time. And what ponders my mind the most; is how humanity holds the 1 key to unlock their peace and happiness but yet that key continues to get misplaced and justified why they can’t make a simple CHANGE to better their own life.

So what is it that Humanity fails to figure out?

·           Either we take a journey together or walk alone.

·           Either we stay in love or just leave one another alone.

·           Either we enter into a healthy relationship individually and connect as one.

·           Or we waste time trying to figure out who can grow old, bitter & broke alone

·       Either we make up our minds and settle for what we want until we mature in handling          what we need. And this is where I have made my peace.

I often remind myself to not limit my happiness to small spaces in a big world. So therefore this new change about me came right on "time with age" so that I don't entertain my own or anyone else's silent "misery".  So today if I have offended you in any indecent way, for you to have walked away. Then my change was not in vein. It was in God’s timing that we “Break the Chains” and move about our own separate ways.

Untitled

This passage is "untitled" for our own personal use. To understand how and why we choose the directions we travel in life. 

Before writing the Angel L memoirs I took some time to process my own life. Before sharing how we live once to only die twice.

Love is an emotion and showing "compassion" is a human action. Religion is a "sacred choice" to praise or not and if any human being here on earth really knew it's truth then why is humanity fighting over who believes in who. Rejection means to deny another person’s proposition. Acceptance is allowing the process of someone or something to happen. Fear is withdrawing you from what is unknown. And Perfection is any person placing high expectations on themselves or someone else.
 

Where are you in this moment of time? Are you existing or living life?  And if you were summoned to temporarily separate yourselves from being in any type of relationship how long could you function on your own without being in it? And if you had not access to money how long would people survive, in your life, in this day and time.
 

What is the connection when people first meet? Is it the physical attraction before they both speak? And if we often identify the signs of "dysfunctional" characteristics in one another’s minds then why do we proceed into what will be a destined "catastrophe" over time?
 

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Because perfection is what you aim to define in yourself not what someone tells you that is "wrong or right" in yourself. So today process this word "low self-esteem" which is hidden in the faces of all Humanity. But you will not know "who is who" until that individual has EXPOSED themselves to you. Could this be the stem of why certain people continue to seek closure of a void in their life? Through taking on other people who continue to deny; what's internally broken inside. 

Options are any individual who has controlled space and decides who, the time and place. So how is it we live broken but continue to accept "the obvious" and dare to be questioned about our repeated choices in it?
 

A person who shows characteristics of being a "giver" is a "takers dreams". And it could be your spouse, children, stranger or friend. But for some reason we can't let go of feeling guilty about this STRONG HOLD.

When people hurt one another it's normal that they either hold a "grudge or forgive them". But dysfunction in Humanity destroys people and relationships of all types through generations unless we fix what it internally wired inside. Then maybe we "could" if not "would" value one another more with the time we have together right now. Instead of investing the majority of our lives "living once at birth then dying twice" knowing why we are internally broken inside.
 

Maybe this passage does not apply to you. But in every family "GLOBALLY" there is a cycle to break, TODAY.

Angel L "So Gone"

I've embellished many successes and intimate moments in my life. I've dealt with many hardships. I've healed from a broken heart and disappointment with time. I've learned to release and let go of what is not within my CONTROL.
 

I've learned if you take on leadership in any situation to always listen & be patient. Why, because there will be challenges not limited to religion in your life, where some religious people are destined to prove you're not strong enough to spiritually fight.
 

So when I look back over my life I can identify with dysfunction & logic, dignity & courage, wisdom & confidence and mistakes and choices. When I think about people whom I have allowed into my space; some lied, some stayed fake and others showed their ass before slithering away. And in return a valuable lesson is what I have learned; no matter what age you are there will be times you will walk alone until a sincere hearted person comes along.

Sometimes being responsible comes with many burdens. Just like being the eldest or the youngest come with high expectations of understanding nonsense but what maybe of another person’s logic. But when you see the brokenness in a parent, child or guardian's life there is something that must be corrected, regardless of who feels REJECTED, because we can't all live healthy lives and continue to stay BROKEN inside.
 

When I think about how people pretended to have my best interest not limited to strangers but family, associates and friends who showed their true face when I decided to control my space and walk out on FAITH. To travel and blog about Humanity or simply become "fed up" with living a life of INSANITY.
 

When I think about struggling financially but not giving into the Worldly ways is when those few friends wait arrogantly just to find a reason to deny me. And to give some clarity some people will help you just to see what return they can get out of you. Then we wonder why situations and people do not change, where we choose to remain the same.
 

When I think about being a single mom from the day my son was born. I was destined to see him succeed find himself build a relationship with God before anyone else. I trained my seed to mentally fight and in his father’s gene he inherited concrete knowledge of the worldly politics of being a young man. Who had no choice but to graduate with a plan.. I encouraged work but just enough to keep him responsible and focus to walk across that stage; no drugs, no warrants and thank God no case. I planned his course in different states to travel and select a college plan is when he settled down and progressed in becoming his own man. Until one day he realized mom was no longer holding his hand, is when he ventured into the friends and the worlds plan. Thank God for grace & mercy in planting good seeds, kept my house, body and life disciplined, spiritual and clean. So whatever life brings his way I can rest assure the God I've always served will protect & guide him the rest of the way.
 

I remember seeing an old friend who I met years ago in New Orleans, a perfect gentleman. Until years grew us apart is when we both realized in one night the things we did in our youth one of us is still trying to hold onto. Unfortunately even if the love is deep time is not on my side to reverse back to my old life.
 

I remember having tons of girlfriends in my life traveling was my past time. Is when I realized some women share common interest, some disclose jealously and the rest, unnecessary competition.

I remember in my twenties I met a slight mature man. And what I mean was his "diligent nature and conversation" but what my body ignored in my mind, I shyly said yes to his mission of advances. But deep in his eyes I knew I would never be his wife. I remember counting as the years went bye and one day I let go of this girlish pain.  Then came a new connection but excluded the sex for genuine friendship. And this time in this Man's eyes he was missing something inside but it was not a settled down wife. I know the question is then why? And the answer is in my life lessons what I've learned is no matter what stage and age were in a Man's choices is where his heart is. Regardless of a woman's commitment just always listen to hear whether he say's and actually does it "I see myself building a life with you" forever and always. Eventually one man married and both celebrated births to carry on their legacy, something I had no regrets to relive what was already given to a man in my early twenties. Sometimes our choices are small reminders of why things happen for a reason. And although these women share giggles today these two men carry their truth of knowing; I will forever be engraved in their life journey.
 

I've watched people struggle to deal with themselves because of attempting to fix something or someone else.
 

So the moral to this passage is the next time God opens up a window in your life do not wait on another person’s delay. Simply pursue your own Destiny.

Happy New Years Eve

To all around the world wishing you well

The year 2015 brought Humanity "change" and whether it was good or bad look at it like this either " you attempted, you changed, or chose to allow things to remain the same" but for whatever reasons Life challenges brought you through this year understand your purpose for still being here.

Tomorrow in 2016 it is destined to bring new challenges, triumphs and choices that will require Human change. So be ready for anything.

In observance of all our love ones we continue to mourn for over the years. This should be a sign to Humanity to cherish one another while we are still here with humble cheer.

So what is my New Year’s Resolution: to not make promises to God I can't keep but in all seasons to be more grateful and faithful, wiser in understanding, love and seek my own inner peace.

For if tomorrow is promised to us in the mist of the greed, hate and turmoil we live in today may God humble all nations to pray.

So if Love is the fall of Human behavior in this life. Then maybe without one another that are at fault to blame; of why we choose to disconnect with Religion, Love and Change.

Finally, to our youth something must cease in your attitudes so that you may grow a generation of Kings and Queens to restore our lost ancestors & elders dreams. Is why they fought in life so that in death we would raise a new generation is this lost age!

Incest

To all the young girls & boys around the world listen closely to the story that is not a tale.

One day you will see how Life will be your greatest mentor and the reason why is there will be a few struggles you will face in this life. And no matter how mommy or daddy, grandparents or siblings try to protect you please understand life comes with minimum directions and many learned lessons.

So you are wondering why me. The answer is; only life knows how your true story will be told. And in abusive or sexual situations the adult stranger, family member or friend will say ''I love you with cuddles and gifts" in a sympathetic way.  But in that moment you may not identify with what is happening between your legs. Just know this when someone touches you or ask you to do things to their bodies it’s not ok if mommy & daddy, grandma or grandpa, uncle & aunt are not around to watch how you're playing around.

One day a young child innocently played with a familiar face until the game changed and this person was no longer the same. So this person with whom this child trusted betrayed their friendship now this child feels alone and brokenhearted because no one is listening. So what does this child soon to be grownup do when the stranger is really a parent, family member or friend that in some situations are invited guest due to your self-choices.

A child was walking home from school as a stranger approached and seemed "lost" and within a second this child was gone.

A stranger is not always someone you have never met. A stranger has a different approach when both mommy and daddy are not around to ensure your smile is not turned upside down.

A piece of candy is great but you could a cavity, a ride home from mom or dads friends is OK but not unless your parents directly told you "yes". And if anyone hurts you in a bad way and say's "its ok" immediately ask your parents, auntie or uncles if this kind of touch is OK.

It takes one second to communicate through texting. It takes people years to walk away from unhealthy relationships. It takes 5 minutes to find a date on social media.  It takes a one-time conversation to share our personal information. It takes 8 to 12 hours in a day to commute back and forth from work. So why not listen to what our children have to say even if it takes 1 moment to hear about their day!

Finding Hope

How is it some people fall in love with their eyes and not with their hearts? Why is it some people who are married silently fall apart? Then desperately seek attention outside of their marriage.

Why do people say "I love you" over the weekend or before you spread your legs. How can a person say "you make me treat you a certain way" then have sex with you mentally with no regrets. And if your heart is not stationed between your legs you will identify an "excuse" that maintains the strong hold on you.

When are people really over an inconclusive "friendship or past relationship" if all they do is repeat the issues they have yet to deal with. And if we really knew one another the way we think we do. Then why do we continue to choose the same avenues?

I was asked by a reader who read my blog “how do I know people will find hope by reading this blog"? I simply said hope is something a person must seek individually. The reader proceeded to say in the world we live in people are desperate to hold onto what they have regardless if it’s a sense of temporary contentment. Immediately I responded with this statement "individuality does not mean collectively". So in order for any human being who seeks hope they will either become content with whom or what they are in. Are they may choose an alternate plan to finding their own hope which may seem like "insanity" which is no different from the hope, you seek to understand in humanities boys & girls, women and men.

Familiarize

What is The Truth?

What is it about the TRUTH that Humanism seeks to find and where does real TRUTH, LIE?  

Is the truth written in biblical wordings?

Is the truth in what someone believes, SPIRITUALLY?

Is the truth hidden in another person’s heart and thoughts?

Is the truth a myth of old folk tales?

Is the truth something we can identify with the naked eye?

Is the truth in what we choose to do?

Is the truth in what another person say it is?

Is the truth really a lie or what we assume, judge and criticize?

Is the truth in a group of organized people supporting ideas, situations or concepts?

What makes someone else's reality another person’s TRUTH? So why is it we 
wear our heart in our chest, and not in our hands where people can damage it.

A young man asks if the bible is misleading people from the truth. And of course I ask what bible is it that you’re referencing too. The young man answered “then why do minorities claim “Christianity”.  Is when I answered maybe it holds the truth in which they seek but if you look around the world each and every culture finds their own TRUTH in multiple ways. So this young man said that was my OPINION. And the truth is that we all have the FREEWILL to possess an OPINION. But the QUESTION still remains what is the TRUTH and if we ever found it what would we do?  

A working class man ask for a few dollars to spend and I immediately reminded him I have responsibilities and those little ones require money, is when this man proceeded to say someone else’s children’s are not your responsibility. I agreed, to some degree. But what he became aggressive with is when I said “stop being financially supportive to your wife and kids”. The man replied well the TRUTH is it’s your choice to assist those kids. I agree, but today I made this my TRUTH of what is a responsibility when it comes to what I can afford to do. And the real truth is this is no longer a conversation between me and you. This is a distraction to fault me for the real truth in the situation you are bonded too. 

I can remember a time when I had tons of people in and out of my life. I can remember a moment of feeling relief to not have people and their emotions causing me grief. But it took me to accept my TRUTH and what I needed to grow up and do which was dealing with the LAWS OF PHYSICS in this LIFE where people and I must change with TIME.

So the “TRUTH” could show up at any moment in time. Are could the truth be simple enough to understand where we as people struggle with acceptance of it?

Year End Business

The end of another year is approaching soon and companies are either in a giving or scrooge mood. Workers are either employed and content where others may feel a tid bit intense. Why, because of the fiscal year lines, closing year end books, lay offs, next year strategic plans and dealing with the IRS.

So what significance does this mean to the world?
Well it would behoove to understand what products & services "electric transportation" infrastructure and demographic developments" "prison systems & investors" remain are what will be of new demand. Because Technology has changed the world into thinking global plans.

I woke up early this morning with a question mark in my head "what if" I did not comprehend the "market value" of rent with upgrades and property-IRS-179 deductions and land, funeral cost/plots, auto insurance quoted by credit and vin. Wait one minute I'm going somewhere with this. We can no longer candidly expect writing on a paper to jump into our heads are neither can we expect business transactions to not later pose "threats". Even when your obligations have been met to oblige the "contractual agreement". Again it would behoove you to read and understand how business and loopholes are connected.

It does not matter if you're financially savvy or thoughtless about what is taking progression in this place. Maybe the time has come to adjust your egos and attitude to take inventory on what you have invested or value. Why, because a wealthy man once said to me "it's only money, Angel L" the problem is no matter if you're loaded are rich, money conscious are struggling it's the act of Human greed that will force people into doing immortal things. Just to manipulate the true value "currency".

For the love of Money Humanism will sale their soul through manipulation of what another person "should or may not know".

This Christmas

This year working in a new career was enlightening for me. And I’ll share with you many reasons why; people are either cheerful or dead inside around Christmas time. I noticed how people delegate with no shame, I noticed how people act by showing disrespect, I noticed how unemployment is a major setback, I noticed how the superior class “clash” by making the workers feel unappreciated. So I found a way to lighten the air by decorating the building with cheer and organizing the dining for our Christmas feast. So that the masses included all cultural and economic classes in one space. Then maybe this year we could all see how one act of compassion "changes" the dynamics of everything.   

Some people say “it does not feel like Christmas time this year”. So this Christmas let our hearts be filled with joy and cheer. So therefore we’re more grateful to be alive this year to hear the Christmas Carroll’s sung under the moon light as we admire the fire blazing bright and the stars shining in the sky. As someone stands underneath the Mistletoe with sparkling eyes next to the Christmas lights. While upstairs tucked away are children wiggling to fall asleep as momma and daddy creep to finish up the trimmings underneath the Christmas tree. Watching nearby is grandpa and grandma sipping eggnog. And all is well this Christmas night because of the one who made the ultimate sacrifice; so that we may see and feel this moment in time. Is when I began to write 

Dear Santa:

I have a “special request” for someone else to receive many “special blessings”;

This Christmas I pray we value one another more and not by the length and width of wrapped gifts.

This Christmas I pray the LONELY will be blessed with years to come of COMMITTED COMPANIONSHIP.

This Christmas I pray someone will share a special kiss under the Mistletoe and not time in windows.   

This Christmas I pray New Year’s Eve rings in the next year with PEACE, in all of HUMANITY.

This Christmas I pray New Year’s Resolutions will not be made off of EMOTIONS.  

This Christmas I pray that every table and chair is filled with FAMILY and CHEER.  

This Christmas I pray for those who “mourn” for the loss of a love one to focus on the happiness they once brought, and not only missing the physical touch.    

This Christmas I pray that men and women, boys and girls make peace, INTERNALLY.

This Christmas I pray that WAR and PEACE connects in UNITY. But just in case men and women decide to proceed in writing their own FAITH then will the ANGELS continue to watch over our elders, small and overgrown babies.

This Christmas I pray our soldiers all over the world serving on the battle field are allowed to find comfort in rest. And in their dreams they will feel a touch of intimacy, a vibration of laughter with family, an emotion of joy and cheer. Why, because FAITH is the substance of what you can’t see; until you allow your minds to believe in what your heart “needs” to hold onto which is a sense of “desired reality” which begins in your dreams if you can “believe”.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

HAPPY HANNUKAH!

HAPPY KWANZA!