Open Relationships

I keep starting out to end this Blog. But I still have yet to come to a finish line. Why, we as people are tempted by any juicy topic. And it does not matter from where the juice leaks of it. We're all into it.   

We campaign our flesh. We broadcast our eyeball conversations. We use our mouths to leak a hot conversation. Then we meet "select together", for pleasure to meet on one sheet of music. And after all the digging, diving & sweat we still search for more understanding in our own internal brokenness.

So let's dive straight in it; and see who get's there's out first. I referencing the reasoning of how it really works. And if we still find an intense need to further put a bigger dent in it. Oh, I'm referencing the open-relationships & open-marriages. And if you don't fit, don't get into it.

I mean really "who does not enjoy the mystery of participating in roll play, we actually set the stage and participants everyday". Whether lurring at someone far away or switching or staggering our hips with a hungry pain look in our eyes. The messages are not always subliminal of what we desire to sweat in the heated moments of our human flesh. So how do we meet on one set of sheets, and indulge in different heartbeats?

So why do people act as if this is something new that has not been hit or missed, written in books or seen in real action as we do it in normal mindsets. Unless you have not opened up your tight closet door. Eye opener skeletons wait in everyone's space; and it began over generations. I did not make this theory up. It's never been a secret from 0 to ages of 99, there has not been a single pair of any living legs that have not been spread apart greeted by hands and eyes of anticipation; after every climax. Oh yeah, I'm referencing our climaxed human emotions in escalated actions.

We either come together with an agreement to roll around on that one sheet. Are get up & walk away with the music we all felt in a heated moment of roll play. So I ask all of us; what are we really doing with in this life. During the darkest days of nights. With One plus each other. Or does anyone really have the level of knowledge to explain why we use our heads, eyes, mouth & hands. In acts we really never fix. In our human disappointments. Turned into regrets if not brokenness?

There will be tears while lying on broken down beds, there will anger in our spontaneous hearts, there will cold days and hot spots in the places we once open wide now shut. Oh, I forgot to ask what do we share or show our children who come next in another generation? Life is funny that way; it also holds the pages of what we leave of our marks of roll play.

The Point of It All

Does it really take a fool to learn why love does not love nobody? Or does it take our personal experiences to cope with our emotions; of how we allowed ourselves to love someone?

Tomorrow our emotions will resurface, no matter how safeguarded we are in shielding that beating heart. And what was the point of it all; if we never had one chance to figure out why and who we chose to LOVE.  

A young girl in her 30’s said to me. I’ve lived a live not knowing. Until one day I understood what my heart was missing. I love my kids and myself. But for a while I did not understand how people used love so freely with living in one another’s false fantasies.  And what she was saying was “time does not choose who we want, time will show us what we need with that someone”, even when a fool feels lost. Life still gives him or her; a second chance.

A young man in his latter 40”s said “I love my wife and family”. And yes, this is my 2^nd marriage. But after 20 years with her, I can see clearly how she does not love me anymore. I said my brother have you tried to show her why “the fight you are not winning is because she is not by your side”.

I spoke to a widow and her & he both said, either you miss the mate or either you become ok at that point in your life. Sometimes in contentment you miss out on your own journey to finding happiness. And sometimes you get lucky to find the mate who will stand-up by your side. And even in death; either way the lesson still lives with the living.

I spoke with the woman in my life; who taught me how to love myself first. I spoke with the men in my life who taught me how to see through what a man is not saying to you. I learned from my personal experience with a man I loved for 20 years, who walked away but returned to say "once a youth and always a man afterwards, thank you for loving me. Even when I did not show you enough love back. I replied thank you for respecting "who" I will continue to be. 

I spoke with people who say love is over-rated or it was suppose to last a life-time. But if we had no emotions how would we have known it takes a fool; to learn love don’t love nobody. To continue in learning why; we continue in working so hard at love to get it right. 

Box

The problem with placing our dreams & gifts is a box. Is when we figure out; how we struggle to get out.

To have low moral or self-esteem the perception is that we could possibly fit in a small box of not having the potential to get out. And just in case that box is tilted and opens up; the real perception is some of us will not come out.

The song writer said "I'm living my best life". It's  apparent by his words that a box of any size is not equipped to hold him back.

If you are stuck in a box, understand the feeling of being trapped in your own thoughts.

I been a career minded girl since the age 9. I did not place my vision in a box. Even in those moments I could feel myself trapped. I knew eventually I would climb out.

Today I realized no matter what I do or where I go. There will be boxes all around me filled with people who are trapped, and not prepared to come out.

Attitude

Wisdom; is powerful. Knowledge; increases the threat. Negativity attracts; positive reactions.

How does any of this makes sense?

Ask yourself "how much do I give", then wait to see how much you are appreciated.

Ask for guidance; and follow a direction.

Ask for forgiveness; and wait on a remorseful action.

Ask for advice; then listen where to apply it.

Show some act of kindness; and watch who will show up, in another direction.

Show up on time; then make a mental note of who is always walking behind.

Stay committed; then watch who is loyal for more than a season.

Sacrifice is already knowing; who will show up or not. Loyalty is for every end or New beginning stay true to who you already; are.

Loyalty

Until we release what is still in our hands, we can’t receive the bigger plans.

While attending several events over the weekend, I observed people observing each other. And that’s when things started to happening.  

·        I did not forget about that friend that attempted to take his life.

·        I did not forget about the family who lost everything in that house fire.

·        I did not forget the love that found me 13 years ago, because of time we both needed to grow. Funny how life is; who knew that one of us would be the strength. For the both of us to pick back up on what never ended; of our understandings & communication.  

·       I did not forget about the choices I have made in my life. To end up listening and watching people who were watching me. To find some understanding.

·        I did not forget that friend who lost his or her love one.

·        I did not forget who has the minimum to live, and the married couples who are struggling to figure it out; of forgiveness.

·      While watching one another we gained confidence in what was hindering us, so this time when the parties ended, and secrets were shared and the feelings were over flowing. We realized our struggles are the same. Our smiles don’t have to be temporary. Our choices will occur. And trials are inevitable.

I could say I lost a lot in this life, but that would mean we are not perfect human beings. Listen to this "if it were not for us hurting one another, we could not heal together", and if we don’t give up on a good fight; eventually life will make those wrongs turn into our rights.  

See you on the next, page of life...
Angela L. 

Battlefield

Live your life without a question mark over your walk.  I write the broke in all ways, laughter, heartache and pain. I own of my scars, and watched while walking through with many of you, in your own battles. 

While you were in the fire; I was tried under fire in my own trenches. But time did not always allow me to break bread without shedding some tears. So yes, I'm guilty of respecting the Bible. At times been said too smart for my own good. And on top of that people will shut you down on whether I am a good damn person verses their own intensions. Now that we have me established; let's move on to the next chapter or conversation. 

On any day ask "why" share so much of yourself? I will smile as always and say “if we knew for every good deed we do "in return". Would earn a $1.00. would we, us are them be on our best behavior? Because time will remind all of us why our situations make us more than often; feel defeated. 

Sacrifice is free, patience comes with time, and victory is my focus. So I carry it as my weapon. I got it nobody is perfect. But hell raisers also appear in a "pleasant or well kept package." 

Many of us use our "hands without a thought through plan",  "some of us are bold in picking our battles, because often it was brought to us, for no reason. Either way we've seen men, children and woman die. On both sides of the contested argument. But at the end people are going to do and be what they see fit; to do.

This year taught me a valuable lesson; a mother said be careful in where you go. I respected this mother because we grew close.  And I shared  in respect "mom" every one has to also accept "accountability of their right and wrong doings. So every battle is not a title of fault, we often bring our battles to other people. In the end I will add this to my life lessons and continue forward with a smile. The moral is family belongs to us, not all of their battles we can conquer. However, people remember where & when by whom you are invited into each other's lives. So more than half of the time; we have to be prepared for the battles that come with them; unjudged and of the invited by invitation.

Choose your battles wisely, not everyone is on neutral waiting for your fist fight. Sometimes good is waiting for you just to do; right. 

Time is all we have. Try to enjoy every moment of it.

Thank you all for reading this Blog. I must admit HOW the journey is eye opening. And if you’re willing to take small steps on the next pages; together. If not respect the departures. So humanity can mend those small; battles with human integrity. To learn to respect; each other's personal space & boundaries. 

-Angel L Arthur

Relationships

People talk about money over love; but without human appreciation either one will cause; pain & disrespect. Either we be more honest about where we are, not what we are waiting around on; to come. 

We are taught to be married "until death do us apart", no one ever prepared us for lesser than a comfort level, trust & not meeting all expectations that come with trials and test. To figure out we need more time to grow-up, even more in marriages starting in the stages of relationships.

But if you have managed to find the special ingredients in your relationships; of layering the heavy duty bricks on a solid foundation, secure of the willingness to communicate & forgive, and capable to encourage one another through the struggles; this passage is not meant for you. Be the example for other people who are struggling with one another to make it through; what is possible if both parties desire to see it through.

No pun intended cheating is a phrase we use to give the guilt a title; as human beings we will continue in seeking the (missing) inside us. Until we figure out how to fight our own internal battles with the support of family. They just can't decide for us our choices. So when married couples mention a Divorce then how do Single people get involved in relationships with married people, and congregating without your mate with other married people; does not make the title change? We are all  searching to be completed with someone who is capable of giving us what we need. And in the event all parties involve live with the burdens and hurt. Before we make a move to either work on our issues then discover the reason for staying is attached to the Title.

Single is a state of being, without or with someone to share a common space, prayers, families, investments, interest and ideas. No different than married people who either share all or a few of these committed establishments. We all get it. But what is it about finding

Time: to look inside of what we have or not.  

Progress: in what we are growing towards are not.

Growth: that either ties us together or stresses us back apart. Every couple has their own scenario, but almost 99.9% it is the same challenge we all deal with; money-money, feeling unappreciated, bored-loneliness-illness in the relationship, age and death, finding change that makes us happy without giving up the years of invested misery. And sometimes just having you is not enough it’s gets deeper. Why

Time: requires the both of our attention to check-in; no one else has the answers to unlock what we are missing physically, mentally and spiritually. We both have to be available to communicate these feelings. 

Progress: is made with another person & in our self’s. Taking more time to figure that out alleviates who get's what of the (tangible stuff), either way it's a humbling, cold or bitter place.  

The Level of Growth we have gained from our lessons and just knowing who we are; to no longer settle for anything other than what adds to our; values.

So no Single people or not lonely,  Married people are forever trying; and fear it what confuses everything. Because not every person or choice of mate is meant or capable of staying with you. You both have to decide how to FIGHT, or either prepare to LET GO of what has not grown. 

Black Butterfly

Freedom cries but no one is listening, to admit why the men, woman and children seek to be free of  the internal fear we use to keep; the fight brewing. 

Freedom a state of being. Freedom is not living in a state of restrictions & confinement; unless we agree and invest into it. 

Freedom is what we feel not afraid to be. Fear a feeling that drives any human being into a panic of anxiety to over shadow the freedom of  another human being.

Freedom is it based on vulnerability, boundaries and bullying and if so what is the motive in it that drives a fueled state of mind?

Freedom is it living fearlessly among one another, without confusion. Fear what it is that causes people so much hindrance; that it's not recognized of how an action turns into being held captive?

Freedom the restless argument in tempored cases. But not all cases have answered back to why; human acts of vague patience consistently interrupts another's preservation of life. 

Freedom is the case we argue, restitution is what we seek to be of free. Life is where we assign the judge & jury; to find equal answers to why we are restricted to being FREE in this life.  

 A dictionary utilized to define words.  A cause is identified to examine the effect. A female gives birth  
through her womb. A male contributes of his genes and  generational pigmentation. And the argument will continue to be; how much of this is of accuracy?


One day Freedom rang; with no guarantees of who and what kind our choices would be made in finding humanity's peace on ONE page. 

And if you assume this is about one situation. Think again, and take some accountability in our weary human ways of how we all got here; just not on ONE page. 

That's the Way of The World

Coincidence of  us standing not a chance. Live the best LIFE you can. Deal with the hurt you struggle to let go; from the people who buried it with them 6ft. feet below or waiting 6ft. on top to talk. Salvage the healthy relationships that we inflict of 70% of the drama in, and 25% rest of the shoulders of that other person who believes they can fix you both in the dysfunction. While that 5% are people who cared enough to process understanding it.

That's the Way of The World, when it comes down to; different types of people.

So what if you are one of those people who don't give a "!#@", then Goodbyes are not hard for you. It's the letting go knowing you contributed to most of the wrong, that wears down on your lonely soul. In the real world we either relieve our self's of the guilt then proceed to find someone else. Who will accept a cold hardened person, to only have it reciprocated back; near the end.    

Life is filled with purpose, people are driven with fire to figure out their own purpose. And no one wants lesser of more than we together or capable or willing; to give back to one another. 

Yesterday, we were taken as babes from our mothers and fathers arms. We were given a sermon  regarding our future plans; our heads & hearts only hardened. And eventually we learned the adults were only trying to prepare us for the real world of; hard work comes in different foes. And we will attract the attention of who we become. First, from the wombs of our mothers, and roots of our strong or weak at heart; fathers arms. 

That's the Way of The World we built our foundations on. Before we could even speak our own words. So sometimes in this life we find the correct roads to take. Or we either navigate and lose our ways.  Until life sends us subliminal messages; we either select to see, if not continue in being  blinded to follow, and not take a lead.

Live the best life you can, be wiser of the choices to be made, figure out who is beside you on the roads we will stumble our tender feet on rocks & stones. And watch how we speak out of text in our sophisticated, clear, stuttered and muffled voices; whether young or old. We all got a long way to go in our mind sets. That will grow at the levels in which we seek or not; to mature in The Way of The World.

Goodbye..

Blood

Mom loved & said to me don't rush to marry people, not everyone is meant for each other. Time we have, it's just not forever. Daddy serviced his country & said invest with a man who is not afraid to labor with his hands just to be married into a family. Grandma a valedictorian died at 90 & left me recipes; to survive as needed. Great Uncle serviced his country & died at 92 but before he left his fishing gear was a reminder to leave us with a broader mental. Grandpa died at 99 with 65 years of a respectable marriage. And collectively I got me; service of 32 Uncles & loving Aunts. The great still to be accounted.

The people said church is filled with hypocrites; I heard the Preacher say "we got room for one more, please come in".

On this Labor Day weekend while on that old road 1322. I stop my car & imagined how my people worked on those acres of cotton fields for hours. And I became saddened for their distressed souls; did not find a peace of mind laying in those shallow graves, not far from behind that old church where we gently laid our grandfather to rest. But at the event there was stories by the children who lived in those white houses & ate with polished silver who missed the love those colored people gave them. The real stories this generation will not partake in because of seeing and knowing who are leaving with the family fortunes. Our current generations will struggle to find in buried in graves over our time.

I had dinner with some friends and all the woman spoke of; was when God sends me a decent man, love my kids, and to advance in their careers. I heard an elder married man told his married son "there are more fish in the sea, until his son said to his dad "there are more fish in the sea", the dad said to the son "but son your momma is whale". This is real when we can't say when life deals us our own hands.

I spoke with a a man who took another person's life; I said to this man "cause and effect" will drive a person into situations, then later regrets. This man said "precious child" nothing is sweeter than freedom. Be wise about people and "process your anger, that will be tested beyond limits". I said "thank you great cousin" I knew down the Blood line you would share some WISDOM.

I had dinner with classmates; and all they talked about where kids, careers, divorces and marriages. Some talked about early retirement in their 40"s, and the highs and lows of establishing their own or family businesses.

I had a dinner with the millennial's and all they talked about was; social media, dating, start-up business and using book sense in the corporate world. Which is great until they have to deal with real life. The pastor said I was one of many that respected your grand father Mr. Carter who also was related to successful people. That always came back to revisit the family. So people made it a point to associate themselves with the Carter family. Because of what they were about; wealthy givers in faith is why people respect those roots that continue to connect; throughout this family's generations.

I watched movies with a single man; and all he talked about was building a foundation with a woman who used her brain and has a good ♥. Not every man needs a female to find out; they wasted both of their time, playing house. I finally figured out how capable it is to share your gifts. But I also know that value is how we communicate & love ourselves.

I had dinner with my married friends who had been together for over 10 to 20's. Some couples said people change for the best or even worse, some said infidelity was a struggle to forgive reason being it kept happening over and over; again. Some couples said the arguing, mental & physical a bruise become to much to bare; children do grow up in dysfunctional homes some where the struggles can push a person in that relationship to the hospital bed then grave yard, alcohol, smoking & drugs. Finally, the largest portion said communication, finances and careers played a big role; and if you date to find a person who can find fault in themselves "together" any relationship can "work out". I did not lose people who were not meant to add to my life. I gained back people who would stand with me through any fight.

I had a parental chat with my son; and I was not amazed to understand what the woman in his life love. However once he re-routed the conversation. I said son life is not all about you, seek to be a better person and then you can stand firm on your peace of mind, happiness & standards. Any woman can make kids with a man. But parents figure out a ROCK SOLID plan. To continue this bloodline we must educate our people on one page with respect.

I attended a ceremony with over 300 family members; I observed the blended families and physical traits. I observed the crazy uncles who love living life, and live around the world. I observed the youth socialize, I observed the elders sit back & watch the world of generations they will eventually leave behind. I processed as much wisdom & knowledge my mind could hold. I learned that my "wealth" is where I come from, because of the seeds that were already PLANTED in my family of generations. FYI, even as a child all the woman & men in my life gave and received hugs and kisses, and talked it out when things were not right. 

In a summer course  of taking "Sociology" we viewed a film on social classes. Once completed the class was asked  about sexuality, racism, could  we marry a person who worked in a lower wage job, with or without any education? And if you could marry outside of your race, and why?

Of course every student had their own morals, values and beliefs in reasoning. But my response was I know the feeling of poverty, I know the mutual feeling of love, I know our beliefs come with compromise, I know the strategy of economics in cultures, I understand your questions but as human beings can we ever process then respect; our individuals answers. And Yes, in the event this person is capable and reflects the characteristics of knowing his own standards, visions and direction. Of course someone questioned my answers and said why do we as a "people settle", I replied sometimes we should read a book before we judge the cover, we should experience more of life than seclude ourselves from it. And more than often we ourselves should evaluate what we consider what is it we call; a long or short term investment.

Before I attended college & exposed to real ADULT experiences, I made a point to invest of my time learning from other graduates, of life. I surrounded myself with experienced, positive & negative thinkers; no matter the results of their positive or negative circumstances.

I got to go; Its time to taste the smell of coffee brewing, aunties scratch breakfast & elders conversations around the table.

Ten Toes

Working in the world of business has its recourse & benefits. The downside to this is how we cause the effect of working for riches.

On the next business opportunity of employment, entrepreneur or partnership; a mental address for the masses will get you noticed. And always set the stage for remembrance for peers who always are taking notes; in what they hear and observe to create a report. Being a team player, does not necessarily mean everyone is rooting on the same team. Application is better comprehended in "the real world" of economics, survival and commitments.

Next, the two sets of questions

1. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your long and short term goals?

2. Do you have children and what area of demographics do you reside in?

What about education? The interviewer made that assumption by browsing over your application.  What about if you have a felony or misdemeanor? Well the logic is in the background check that is required? In the real world everyone deserves a second chance; use your common sense then reference back to the 2^nd paragraph that tailors your level of confidence.

“Effective communication” works in even the most uncertain situations, not everyone is invested in your passions. In case an offer is extended; it does not mean your values and patience will not be tested. Empower your knowledge; not everyone is seeking to make you rich, and not every company has a development plan to see you walk away with, in the end. But for every opportunity in this life make the best of it and stay true to who you are. 

There exist some parables in teaching other family & friends as much as possible. Pick your battles wisely, limit the bridges you burn with people. Speak with wisdom and it will cause mass confusion. Stay alert everyone is talking, more than often about nothing. I can relate to hard times with more or less on this journey but value people who will share with you beyond reasons, and "tougher love" with a Life Purpose.   

Ten toes up or down; money opens the doors to access, where knowledge keeps it open.