"I DO"

Understand now the purpose of being in love. I do respect another person’s choices. I vow to never apologize again for the desires I pray to share with someone who values and appreciates me on any & every day of the year.

This next time I will keep closer to the mindset of; how I was not created to save or fix what remains heartless, disconnected and broken. And how a man can’t respect what he has no intentions of working for & respect. I will not deny myself of embellishing my womanhood. I will always watch out for manipulation in the “same face” temptations. Whether woman or man. Just to feel affection and to be needed.   

I promise to identify with; why and if I’m feeling lonely in or out of having a relationship to avoid bargaining with the after-math of people that are empty, desperate and mindless in their own human actions. I vow to allow space when created arguments and excuses exist for validation in walking away; even if it’s for a moment.  I will respect a promise. But just in case I will protect my heart if the words don’t add up to any action. I refuse to think I should settle for less and downgrade the logic of respecting my standards, mind, soul and body. Just to have a warm body next to me in a warm or cold bed. I’ll make more time to love myself; even more instead.

I will cancel this next trip & be more honest will myself. Because if he is not what I need. Or shown me anything different then why should this disappointment be worth my weekend of unfilled satisfaction. See some people will “wine & dine” over a period of time just to fill a pleasure in their life.

Therefore, I will not forget to spoil, love & encourage that “equally yoked” man, who shows me the same in return. Even in our lowest or highest moments. I will demand we communicate before walking away; without a reasonable understanding. I will work harder on compromise; but with all due respect; don’t place high expectations on me in places you will not in return of compromise back.  I will make a point to speak up when we are stirring off course; it does not mean I’m “more intelligent or being so  smart”.  My baggage is not a concern but together we can both unpack any unresolved extra baggage. I will work intellectually in bringing my gifts to life. And in return I pray he will ask God for permission to do the same. I will love and respect the children we “combine”, no titles necessary what is yours is also mine. I will let him know every moment he no longer makes me feel like a treasured woman. I will make light of how “God” is the head in our lives. So no matter what happens it will take a cold winter in hell to destroy what we have.

So I’m thinking; Wait on God a little while longer. Because any day "I DO" is destined to happen.

BLACK-RELATIONSHIPS

Not every black woman is the same. Not every black woman is bitter or a baby mamma. Not every black woman will walk away. Not every black family is broken. The majority do have a plan to educate the remainder of correct direction. And for every black man there has been one black woman who will stand by him. Not every black man is to blame, uneducated, imprisoned, broken or some females “baby daddy”. But for every "beauty" "strength" and "breath" of blackness there is a race that desire the both of them.   

We’ve either viewed or spoke it; the negative and positive side of black relationships. The words, documentaries & actions are explicit; the logic is disturbing & the pain remains unsettling. And it does exist in all races of men and women. Because we, us, them make one conscious decision to judge and not take accountability of our individual and collective human actions & contributions.

One instrument about time is that;  although it will never roll back, it will mend any “color” of brokenness.

INFIDELITY

It's not always the truth that is hardening to except.  It's the lies that are kept; silent. 

Therefore someone may disagree with my doctrine, but so many of us are living inside of it. Now let's begin with The Story of Abigail the witty and beautiful wife, Nabal the fool of a husband and David a man who chose what another man lost at his death & arrogance. Read the story for your own understanding. That people do marry & sacrifice for the people in whom they choose to love in this life. Romans: 25:20

Men have shared this statement over & over again; women never share with a man what you should be giving to your husbands. But who is sharing with our men how to stop allowing their “penis” to make a slave out of them. So the truth is our reality. Men please take note of how every woman does not require "instructions". And woman please understand every man is not impressed with a new piece of "azz" it's the diamonds in our heads they respect.

So were now in a new day, and tomorrow we will live on another page made up of our choices in history. And what type of young men are properly being taught by the old ones to love a young, older or youthful woman. And what class of women will be around to educate our younger ladies in a world that will leave everyone upside down. Then who will be prepared to raise up more than the children we already have; that are wondering & scared. And know I’m not perfect or judging anyone. We, Us, Them make up One. "This New Generation" of little discipline. Where there are more mommies than daddy’s to help raise children. Grown men are lusting after their son’s girlfriends & younger asses. Daughters & woman are creeping throughout the night with someone’s husband, father or wife. Grown men have yet to figure out why a mature woman requires stability & communication where some men hold no accountability of engaging with any physical temptation. So how is it we can find some mental logic in this "sexual interaction through-push pound conversations" "three way engagements", buttock hole penetration “call it pegging for those of you who did not know” how people are out of control. So don't be surprised to wake up and think you are lonely. There are so many reasons why you have sense enough to re-evaluate your choices in this life. To figure out who is really at fault for the burdens we invite or not into our lives. 

I met a guy who had traveled, works honestly and holds’ a good conversation. We occasionally laugh & spark up interesting topics. He is attentive to detail more than half of the time. And understanding if you know what topics stimulate his mind. You can gather his mannerism was taught from a boy. And I knew from the start he was different so I decided to give him a chance until this story came to THE END.  But not before I met some important people his life, and also ask the right questions later on after several months went by, to figure out he was still married", and yes, he did honestly reply. And I must admit it still stings a bit. But time will heal this passing moment because this man lives a single life. And did have not one good intention "for me" in one moment of our time.

There were several opportunities for me to walk away. But there was something in me that made me stay one more day. We as woman think that for all the good we see in a male: it will change him into the Perfect Man. Move on to the next plan.

  "Ladies you never lose your Power.  You only allow men to prove to the both of you; how much POWER you really have. 

Not every man with a tongue is sharing his life truth with you. Because not every woman is asking the right questions, to accommodate what may intervene her faith. Not every man or woman is promiscuous, some men and women just settle for sex in milliseconds.  

Not every man cheats on his girlfriend, side chick, woman or wife; some woman accept their role in life. Not every man or woman is searching for an equal yoked person; some men just need a wife who can work, cook, clean, and act like a wife with parenting. Not every man is physically and emotionally detached some men really feel human emotions.

Not every man is seeking to be loved, some men or searching for woman who need love. Not every man has the right answer; some men really need direction. Not every man is close to God; some men actually believe they are GOD.  

Not every woman was searching and expecting for a man to beat her down "with his stick", woman for years had already figured out how to accommodate "no hands, emotions and legs". Just to satisfy what take some men a lifetime, to figure out how to make love to her mind.  

Not every woman wants to lower her standards to make you feel like a man; some women are just that patient to if you have any motivation.

Not every woman is interested in giving you more kids. Ask any kind of woman who not desire to be held and kissed. 

Not every woman is a Godly woman. But most woman who value themselves, even in the darkest moment seek God in there weakest moments. 

No type of female really wants to give her body away, and expect nothing in return, sometimes it's hard for certain women to figure out themselves without the companionship of a man. But not every man has good direction.   

Women do listen just like men pay close attention. But only a foolish human being would think that we could live in this life without being in LOVE, wholeheartedly. 

Sometimes men commit to women out of obligation, for years of her surrendered dedication & patience. Some men and women feel they have invested so many years to seal the deal. The problem is people do change over-time. And a wedding ring only reveals what has caught up with time. In real life there are no perfect relationships. Just two people who work together on filtering through their differences. And just in case everybody is not promised to be married here on earth, just earn if not demand your respect in that companionship.  

OLD FRIEND “uncut conversation”

This message is meant for all the Old friends around the world; who have a life experience  to share. 

OLD FRIEND welcome back. It’s been a couple of years since we spoke as friends. It’s really good to hear you’ve changed in areas to better appreciate, the tiny things that once pushed you away. So now that we have both matured in our tenure years, we can finally meet on this final page of our past history. And mutually agree that it was in God’s plan we were both meant to take that journey.

But before we end this chapter; I’m glad we can now share what was once our youthful conflict in understanding those past fears:

I’m not use to not being able to share our dreams; so life is teaching me not everyone has a real plan of their own. And be careful of who is hiding the jealousy inside for yours.    

I’m not use to the feeling lonely mentally, when I know what caters to your needs; so again life is showing me it’s not strange that people are not accustomed to accepting what they need unless it’s always strife and confusion to compare it too.  

I’m not use to being alone; so life is teaching me that it’s going to take some time to identify with who really is looking to surrender “appreciation”.

I’m not use to expecting no four-play and not being made love too over & over again; so life is teaching me store your pearls & treasures in heaven.

I’m not use too being reprimanded for encouraging or enlightening a struggling moment; so life is teaching me not everyone is searching for a light at the end of their dark tunnels.

I’m not use to not being able to express a giggle & smile in those countless moments lovers pleasure one another in what they are truly feeling for each another; so life is teaching me don’t waste time on what “sounds” or “appears” to look good. Everyone is looking for something different. And what you need is destined to show in any moment.

I'm not use to disagreeing and not ending up with a mutual understanding. Of it's ok we can express our differences; so life has proven to me sometimes people create an easy way out to avoid what requires accountability in the way they react to small things. 

I’m not use to always leading the prayer whether it occurs in the morning, evening or at bedtime; so life is teaching me to move on and continue in prayer with GOD who can show up with my FAVOR.

I’m not use to not being able to settle down, turn the phones off and talk through what is interrupting me and you; so life has shown me not all people have dealt enough with themselves to identify with it will take Gods direction to for-fill a mission.  

This is where a Lover’s hurt finally ends and the beginning of Happy Ending begin, with more human loving.

In memory of “Phyllis Hyman”

Can You Stand The Rain

Time changes; its up to us to move with it. This entry was written in 2016.

The Holidays are approaching and another “Year” is near. People are planning for new beginnings going forward into the New YEAR. While some people feel it’s just “another day, hoping for “Change”. 

Today I fed the MASSES. Tomorrow I’ll assist families, children and babies living in POVERTY.

Who is lost because of an old friendship that did not hold it's strength? People who made a choice without your PLANS now release it from your hands and process it in your HEAD.

Today upstate someone has hit the “POWER BALL & MEGA MILLION” lottery. But down south and in other areas people continue to place stake in what is 1 in a MILLION. 

Tomorrow electric providers will burn lights and sleep good at night. Tomorrow some one has to work late just to get home and lay awake thinking about how they will pay the hiked Utility rates.

Today I met a King who showered me with RESPECT, SUPPORTED my dreams, sincerely listened to what I had to say and caressed me instead of lashing out with “BEATINGS”. And know I have not had the opportunity to be asked for my HAND in MARRIAGE, because God had to mature me in areas I was not prepared for it. But so many people either are blessed with it. While others are not OBEDIENT to who God has blessed them with. 

The Holidays are near but someone will listen to “What do the LONELY do at Christmas”? Another day someone could have made the choice to apologize for hurting someone else with deceit and lies.

What will tomorrow bring for different people who need different things; food on the table, winning the lottery, love, a fairy tale wedding, promises, a kiss, conflict or change, more money-more money. A few simple things. 

The feeling of stress is self-induced, happiness is a choice no matter what you are going through, people will choose to listen or turn a death ear. But pay more attention to what they do and not how they persuade you into a mellow mood. 

Who wants to be a fool for pain, intentionally? Who wants to Work for free while the Company plans bonuses, vacations and feast? Who wants to family feud 20 years down the line and cry once PEOPLE DIE?

Who would selfishly BIRTH more babies without a plan. Yet some of us struggle to care for the ones we already have?  Who wants to be in a VIOLENT relationship?  Who wants to be obedient in a marriage or 2-3 year on and off courtship? Someone who needs seeks comfort and direction.

Who wants to always struggle with the same finances, deal with people with their choices and mistakes; unless they refuse to change. Whose heart has not been broken because of a Disobedient Kids? Try allowing them time to learn right from wrong in what they did. Then be there to lift them up with a LOVING HAND.

Who lives a LIFE without God and FAITH? PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE TO accept change in any & everything. And harness their INTERNAL PAIN.

The sunshine is fun on a sunny day, the clouds could bring rain on a cloudy day. The Holidays are near to share laughter and spread cheer. The New Year’s resolutions have been talked about for the New Year. 

And the question that still remains is “Can We as People Stand the Rain”? 

Ghetto Nation II

I can recall the last disappointment that changed my entire life. It was yesterday that "LOVE not Man" completely shaped me into who I was secure with and destined to be. So I write the swagger from my heart & took notes of learned lessons that made people accept; life will happen 24/7/365 days a year. And knowing a legacy is what you will leave. Not what people dictate it will be. In this WORLD of HUMANITY displaying craftiness & scrutiny.

We're all looking for change. Although we approach it in a different mannerism, LITTLE or MORE intelligent conversation, economical status, religious beliefs, physical presentation or playing the "same old" games we've played for generations. It's just sad to accept how some of us feel "accomplished" because we have encountered a moment of deceit or savaged sex. Wherever we can for-fill it with little or no human connections. Do not allow yourself to remain mentally enslaved to any human beings immature ghetto ways. Because most people are not confused about their actions are decisions. They just go along with what people give into of it. And let's not make this passage just about "sex". Let's dig deeper and discuss a Ghetto Nation.

Sharing has no shame. And we've all been acquainted with someone or in a relationship that did not have a dime, of what they will accept of what is not theirs but taken of yours.

We've all been in a situation where most people may be really addicted to the “pipe” dream or love canal. Because the truth is people of all kinds do seek satisfaction and healing; in between one another's knees.

Some people have the nerve to think we  all agreed to our lives in their hands. The reality is we just hope and some of us pray for a leader to execute a real plan; we can all survive in.

We all know or have heard of women if not men who will know the truth before accepting this persons choices in their self inflicted collateral damage. To ride or die with them regardless of the broken; dialect, which does not hinder us to communicate of what we both need, The appearance doesn't always have to appear be on point; it's just the way this person moves around the room in anything if not nothing at all. They're living conditions may not be up to par of a mansion; but a apartment or shack will do; as long as he or she identifies with your willingness to ride or die with them.

But the wrong turn is always straight ahead. Once these two people clash and react towards the idea of this man or woman wanting more than one is capable to share if not give. And remember every title of a bad boy, boss chick, gutter chick, hood rat, or dime piece gets caught up. Just make sure you’re not always caught up in something more than legs in the end that may not be so conducive, to cater in the life we BOTH live in.  Then that next phone call you will one day make "will not" pick up to say “I’m not in, but leave a message”.

In today’s society people of all cultures are aware or chose not to be aware; of how we are interact in our ghetto ways of actions and communication. And by know means am I perfect “ I lived with the roaches, I’ve even posted bail, I have visited every Sunday until I realized this is not the life. I’ve wore hand me downs, until I realized how to grind in order to keep having mine. I lit candles at night, I ate spam for lunch and dinner, and grits in the winter”. I’ve been educated in different types. I’ve been opened up to see people are not always what they present themselves to be. I’ve been disappointed by a thug IN DIFFERENT TAX BRACKETS because of what was educated; lacked knowledge in how to "make love, love & share then touch" with a stroke human of affection.

Props to the Beloved Tu Pac  “I Ain’t Mad At You” change the dynamics of ghetto understandings. I appreciate myself. So therefore I do respect any and all human differences. But  until we agree to the fact; we just find it easier to communicate in a comfortable space. With people we feel have our same face.  

Orange Juice

In a world of genuine & disgruntle faces. Our livelihoods are “bigger or smaller” in what we choose to live in. Of every Good Morning!

How good has life been too you on this fine day? And before answering your truth; consider a point in your life in which you seriously surrendered all doubt. To allow “life to be as sweet as honey, dew”...

Hope is an emotion people often lose or gain; on any-random day. Faith is a freewill choice; in what or whom we choose to believe. Asphyxiation turns into questionable Anger depending on the persons; idea and personal choices. Jealously draws closer attention into the issues of any person that struggles with their own self confidence  Hate is implemented where there is “FEAR in human direction”. Insecurities are what you show-up in your attitude to be. And Love is that one emotion no human being has yet to figure out; how to “control” it. And gap people out at a distance.  

I was approached today by a man. That desired to place a gentle kiss, upon my face, and in doing so I quickly ask this one question. How is life treating you today? The man twitched and said “it’s been ok”.

As I was driving into work this morning I saw a youth in despair, ranting in a rage while gesturing his hands into the air. The ambulance team cared enough to gain his trust and attention, in order to fix what is broken.

Today I greeted the world with my smile in one Morning, I rose. Regardless of how life’s situations that will throw many curve balls. I choose to share in every breath, in every morning; a silent KISS with all kinds of people that choose to LIVE or EXIST…

All it takes is one human touch, to see what emotions will move us in our human differences. 

HOMESTEAD

Remember the  story of Three Bears:The Pappa Bear, The Momma Bear and the Baby bear

Remember the opposition that created a situation 

One was too HOT 

One was to COLD 

One was just Right 

Until the daddy bear realized his family was in for a fight. The momma bear immediately protected her baby. And the baby bear was never aware of the danger that existed. Until he saw how his parents formatted into a guarded position; to protect them. 

The Home front represents a unity of individuals that symbolize a Family. And by any means necessary this family must communicate accordingly in everything; to face anyone or thing that is coming its way. Out of the ordinary. 

I spoke to a man who lived in a communist country. Until one day he decided to live free, but before he left. This man was faced with oppositions and power before imprisonment three times. Because he wanted for him & the family to be free. In order to live life in peace. So what kind of  human acts can justify the right; to hold captive another man's freewill to life.  

We hear there are talks about adjusting the 1st Amendment rights "freedom of speech" where if any human beings commit "defamation of character" against another human being, even if it’s on social media. This person can legally sue another person for being an #!@ hole. And to think a government would attempt to agree to a personal FRISK law in the USA. And for those black men around world or men of a darker decent that may even speak with a second language. The same "constitutional rights" created for your freedom and equality to a preservation of life. Could suddenly be impacted through empowerment utilized through systems, controlled by prejudice and sexist human existence

For the sake of all arguments, I'm not implying what is not evident. These are facts we've become immune to  live in under one nation. Of human actions that can not sustain the Racism, Capitalism and Sexism that flows deep in their human veins. It just took a non interested 46% of the free people who chose to only exist; in what we call A Free Country, seeking Unity. To experience bigger fears of what could of been challenged. Which had already been a challenge, for years.  To say this is how far we as a HUMAN RACE come to figure out that; Capitalism, Racism and Sexism will WIPE an entire Nation out. 

Philippians 4:12

Life happens something I can contest. And there is one name to call on, no matter where you are in any of life's moments.So I work daily in progression to not confuse it with perfection. And I humbly thank you Lord for second chances. I do receive it and commit to self correction in order to humbly live my life as an example of what we as a people share; with one other in every season.

I've learned how to share, when I had less of a penny to spare. I'm adjusting to processing logic out non logical actions, depending on who you are dealing with in big and small spaces. I've learned how to forgive & love myself in any circumstance or voluntary situation.

We've all had moments in which we chose to stay in. We have all found reasons to give it another chance. We've all blamed one or the other in EXPRESSING our human behaviors. But sometimes its what you see that makes you decide: its not about you that's going to make me decide if I walk away or choose to stand by your side. But just in case the weight becomes to unbearable to take, because you keep pushing me away. Consider who may or may not hang in for the fight all people will experience in this life.

For in every season I have also been reminded of my human behavior, mostly from loving people in places they remain hardened hearts & broken. But this is not where my story ends. This is where the real stories began. When Han was cursed & Rahab was judged and mistreated like an outcast. And Simeon made one attempt but was denied in helping a savior who died. In order so that we may have life. A time and place people judged with lack of human compassion & little understanding, later seeking forgiveness of their own actions.

I still stand guilty of fitting people into my happy boxes. Which draws attention to "who is really who" so daily it's mandatory I continue to pray asking for Gods permission and forgiveness, of my over caring ways. In a world of people that remind one another daily; how valuable we are by making light of who is lesser are greater. In our sinful or human choices.

Faith doesn't make things easy, it just makes things possible.


-Angel L
read on Kindle-The Burdens of A Heavy Heart

Baby Girl

Baby girls a kiss from a prince will feel more like a gentle touch, regardless of your impatience in the lonely nights. So decide whether that stroke is really a frog that jumped in for one moment before leaping on, into another woman's arms. 

This time around there will be no players, prince charming or goons to interfere in this man's plan; that transformed from a boy into a grown ass man.  Who chose to make you a apart of his design; carefully patterned in every line. 

One day baby girl you will be reminded of the choices you made. And sometimes a person will make you feel, pure hate, jealousy & hurt. Why, just because you desire to love him. But for some reason he has to find blame in you for all of his shameless faults. Just remember not to fall in love with every stroke. That may not have a plan to bring your beautiful smile, a wedding ring and happiness. 

Then eventually you will see

One day that male will grow up from a boy into a man.

One day he will return and pick up those missed calls. 

One day you’ll see exactly what is in his actions of what he is feeling deep down in his heart. 

One day you will re-connect with that once lost Hope. Eventually time will heal our broken thoughts; left in our hearts from so many disappointments. 

One day disappointments will confess I’ve heard and feel your concerns, and I’m sorry for what I did. 

One day Hope will call on the other end. Because of Love that demanded him to step up and step in.

One day is here right now, Baby Girls of all ages around the world.    

  

HURT

Hurt is such a small but BROAD four-letter word. Depending on the people who inflict it on someone else, they hurt. And we can even be more considerate enough to say; that sometimes people may or not be aware of their inconsiderate & selfish ass ways. Until the hurt is reciprocated back to them, by someone else they least expected.

Through the writings of Angel L; life lit around the entire world. In the beginning I've shared my real. 

We've listened to songs and deaths that impacted the entire world. We've figured out how to cohabitate under one roof. We've blended our cultural families into making a unity. 

We've planned to work our entire lives; to only payback what we dreamed to have. We've dated and married for love & security. Until some people realized that living in convenience; is a commodity. And in the scripture it read Han was cursed & Rahab was treated by the people like an outcast.
We've managed to create wars and silence conspiracies. 

We continue to give "birth" in a generation drunk in love. Where there is lack of energy & hope to educate and re-direct; the people we love from theirs own self inflicted situations.

We've managed to figure out what it really means to be "free" if we choose not to "think" and remain in “slavery” thinking. In a life that many people live in. But we are not sure why some people will struggle to find their own happy endings.  

As we watch the World Turn please do not waste time taking offense. To what most of us contributed of our own actions. As time will remind its people to be more: 

H-Humble 

U-Understanding

R-Recognizing

T-Truth  

Before we sign-off on one page today in our puffed up human ways; May we be more accountable of our actions that require, some change. In order to obtain some validation sought in world of people searching if not lost. Then maybe Hurt will turn to the People and say “I can no longer” exist in this place.