Female

As a little girl I would pretend to be an adult, I would wear dresses and makeup, twisted my hair and painted my nails. As a little girl I often dreamed about meeting my prince charming, having his babies and wearing his last name, attached to a diamond ring. As a little girl I wondered what people were talking about when all I saw and heard was how people who wish for and fall in “love does or does not work out”. As a little girl I watched mommy and daddy talk about building a strong relationship and emulate theirs like the elders did. Then eventually I came to realize fantasies were only a fig-mentation in my mind. And the reason why is because time would not allow myself and people who make promises to remain the same, without change of reasoning, responsibility and taking some accountability.

Growing up would be one of my greatest challenges in this life. And it does occur in different stages of all ages, over time. And the reason I can testify to this is because one of my greatest challenges was to completely allow God to deal with me in my flesh through lessons of how a relapse can occur in anyone’s faith, celibacy, loneliness are just a way out through expressing emotions that accommodate fear and doubt. Because in any test there will be propositions.

I could stand before you and intensely confess all of my actions. But there is more logic in sharing why being single is really a blessing in this day and time. And some one may disagree or have some doubts to what has not been figured out which is “how we seek intensely to be loved by someone else before we truly take some time in treasuring ourselves”.

On my single journey with God I made some mistakes but not any that God would not erase; I chose to give a life before being someone’s wife, I chose to nurture someone else and in return forgot about myself, I chose to love people who did not respect me or neither love themselves responsibly, I chose to deal with man instead of letting God handle it. I believed in broken promises and immediately decided to take time and get reacquainted with my own life. And then my reality stepped in of noticing how men were living in their own fleshly sins.

I can’t tell a young girl or woman what choices to or not make. If I had not made some of my own choices & mistakes. Because the truth of the matter is “men and woman were created to love one another. If not equally then responsibly” once this woman or man, boy or girl find some balance in their life; beginning with respecting their bodies and treasuring their souls and minds right.  

It is in our actions that we reciprocate to one another who gives more or less, and who is buried with the heartache of the rest.