TAKING ADVANTAGE

You are the most important person in the world to me. Can anyone agree; speaking these words to someone they committed themselves to. Or devoted their lives too. Regardless of the storms we were destined to go through. See grief and heartache are personal feelings at some point we're all sudden to endure. Therefore no one can tell us how to deal or process the both of them. If we ourselves are not prepared to deal with what we live in denial with.

We may never admit this, but we take advantage of each other everyday. Even our children show us in a self entitled way. Our families remind us of why we should feel guilty, in who we become and not remain the same person to be controlled. Our spouses neglect us through time and attention, and know I'm not talking about asking for forgiveness with gifts and roses. Associates & those good ole friends remind us who we can DEPEND ON in good and bad times. Just make sure you don't panic if they don't return a call or pick up the line. And in our personal dating or random sexual relationships we take more than advantage of who we have to chosen to deal with. Just to have a access. But if none of these scenarios are true. Then why are we finding ourselves struggling with the truth. Of what we have yet to accomplish of happiness, control  & riches. Lacking trust, communication & mutual understandings.

We've heard it loud and clear  "2017 this is a new day" and if you're not handling your business with whom you have chosen to be with. Please understand how people are "Happy Feet" to wiggle into your space. Offering what they have worked for of money, compromise and overrated sexual fantasies. Where the presence of DIGNITY & RESPECT will get you checked. For not accepting compromises in what we want in millisecond moment. Eventually you will later figure out what PEOPLE are really about. On the inside, not what you visualize to see of an outside false fantasy.Now close your mouth. It's the questions that exposes the lies. Because time is our best friend that reveal us in places we pretend.

Taking a chance is not people's biggest  fear in this life. We ALL seek the opportunity everyday  to have what we want if not getting straight to what we need. Eventually we learn together or far apart what we want; may not work out. To have what we really need before it's a dollar short, and a day late. Because of our need to work in REPETITION with different people in the same OLD WAY.

NOW LATER

NOW LATER I can make a promise to LOVE and PROTECT you for always. Just remember to every cause there is an effect of how people & situations alter any of our “life expectations”  

If only we knew what this world would turn into. From birth I tried my best with what was given. To protect your innocence in the world we now live in.

If I could know everything thing that would occur; would it still have been enough to change the directions you would take?

Today, I can only pray over you through the FAMINE, HAPPINESS, GREED, and SORROW things must change. Now that many nations of “men & woman” have become of age. To stand on their own in the event of adversity, choices made and decisions to face.  

If I could put love into someone who does not understand it or refuse to feel it in their hearts. Would you see the difference and walk away before it’s too late?

If I could even have given you more courage through every storm in this world of compromise; could you hold on knowing that I’m always there in your heart and by your side?

If I could continue teach you how to manage the sadness in your eyes; could you hold onto your peace of mind?

If I could walk away today; would you treasure the wisdom I gave?

If I was no longer around to validate your rights from wrong; could you be man or woman enough to measure out things you have yet to learn?

If I could let you go in this life; can you move on temporarily to find that one who will never leave your side? But in the meantime FIND the one to be by your side. Throughout these years that humanity can no longer hide our human TEARS and FEARS.

NOW LATER we will see what changed and changes need to occur. In our individual "Life" will sew of seeds in.

GHOST WRITER

How can we teach one another; in our selfie picks of assets and addictions advertised on unblocked context? How do we assume everything u see is a well designed plan. When nothing has been configured to the final end. 

The real grind is the work you put in. Not what you take from someone who has a real plan. Eye opener that Insurance Policy will not take affect until the recipient matures in their mindset. So in whatever happens in your life ensure it’s a necessary requirement. For the memories that will be left behind, for the final results that will still seek answers in time. 

We’re all looking for “LOYALTY” if not "SECURITY" in one another, we just need to “watch over” how & what we INVEST into each other. The truth requires 80% of our eyeballed attention. But a lie only requires 20 minutes of  OUR time to not research down the line. Now this may not apply to all of us. But there has to be a good explanation to why people are falling by the wayside. 

A male said "a female is not required to think with her brain" if she thinks her body is an asset to get her anyone or thing.

A female said "if I can get a man to invest in his desires" then who can be blamed for playing mind games?

A established person can manage what they have. But with one managed paycheck, everybody grows insane & mad. A person with a vision has many plans; but side tracked ahead is a storm coming. A go-getter is loyal to the game; but who will remain. And a talker does more dreaming than when they are asleep; be cautious of misery that invites company. We can't help who we fall for and love. We can encourage and show one another how to go do better.

A convention being held open remarks with; if you are not here today it’s unfortunate of what you will see coming, but won’t believe.  

A hungry child visited a house with a family who shared; from  a diverse environment. Thank God for the GOOD SAMARITAN. The next day that person was on national television. With a plan to ensure no child is left unfed.

A community establishment draws attention. High rises drive in new residence. But not every customer and resident is prepared to invest with what does not look the same as them. But walks, talks & breathe like them.

In this corporate world we are guilty in separating ourselves. From the superiors and the team members across the room and downstairs. But not every title has to be socially and  education connected of their genuine contributing talents.  Therefore in the make-up of wealth & success, sometimes worker bees go uncompensated.   

We don’t have to pretend “who is not struggling” in something? Where the wrong colors bend the rules but never limit your mindset in a color box of thinking tools. We we’re all adapted to a life “with” or “without” some influence or instructions, leaving us to make our own choices in either right or wrong directions.

See how times fly in the laughter, pressure and pain. And who said that confusion does not exist; in watching mommy and another girl kiss. As daddy is being swung around the world giggling like a small child? A Boss B!#tch and acting in Beast mode aim for stacks & bricks. Better watch out of non-interference in it; due to over or under confidence. People end up lifeless in moments other see priceless. Of the real representatives we hide behind of religion, envy, greed, hate and smiles. And a million is much appreciated if wisely invested. But not all in beauty, attitudes and arrogance. Which will kill the innocence of a mindset. In exchange for imprisonment of not paying IRS taxes. So what comes next in this cold world of "what I got to do" to survive off another until I am stable enough to fly? From a quit development plan or slick conversation with little or no patience? With a physical upgrade in beauty and sex appeal, were no brains are necessary to seal the deal. We must read the fine print in what we first value that will depreciate. As generations are departing every day; wisdom is sleeping itself away. And sometimes the reason is human acts of pure insanity or father time just made a call on your line. As a new breed is entering through birth canals  some babies will be left behind in this cold world. Because of a sexual tensions in a moment of “push, push pound” positions.

Rents are due around the entire world; and yet some of us can't figure out how to live with one another by implementing plans to maintain our key roles and positions Raw land is being uncovered for profit. All that was free is now a high alert necessity. Connected to plots of conspiracy; managed by usage of bodies. Where all occupants are not prepared to pay with men on colored paper called money. To alter your mind in accepting the “man or woman” power over your cycled time. Of taxes that silently creep from paycheck, child support payments to circulate outside investments of shifting hands around tables of plans. For services and demand. Who would have known healthcare insurance will be the final card played in the plan.

Now who is confused about what we are under submission too?

I started out with many on my journey at a young age, most did. I experienced more than enough of hard times; some of us lived it surrounding poverty & death. I understand how to process the madness; some know how other people caused it. And one day respect taught me the GAME. And for someone who is living in redundancy of what was meant to be sold, not told of what we hear, touch, smell, see and taste of our five senses of what is being played.  

See how it make sense. So what have we read in the memoirs of Angel L; everything you have not seen. But in reality every movement that is being made throughout History.

HAPPY FACE

There is not one thing that has NOT happened under the sun; to any living human man or woman. And as long as we live, we will deal with life changes.

How are you feeling today? Has life been good to you in anyway? And if know one has called, stop bye or said an encouraging word remember this; no matter when we see things one way in our LIFE and the pressures become to heavy to bare at a time. Take 1 moment to regroup "because there is someone" in your season that will come through for you.

The reasoning to why this has to happen is; for every season there is a purpose under the heaven. And it does require for you to be a believer or not. The person who will come for you is the GOOD SAMARITAN planted in your season where you gave up on believing.

Someday's this body will ache will pain; and it does not matter who we are in age.

One day we will deal with DEATH; father time has no appointment.
.
Someday's people will say things that are not relevant; don't eat up your time focusing on the "why".

One day love will disappoint us all; it's natural for our growth. Let the healing run its course.

Someday's our children and significant others will run low on patience; turn the volume down eventually they will notice there is not one sound.

One day the money will be low and the material things will not be as exciting anymore; in this moment understand why we were to save for rainy day's.

Someday it will seem off course; manage what you can and allow the rest to work in GOD's or man's self purposed plan. Eventually time will make things right before the day turns into night.

One day we turn to pages that no longer have purpose. We will search for wisdom here on earth. We will seek answers in one another. It's so important you love yourself first, and not waiting to see who will put you

Someday's we won't understand why people do you wrong; somehow or another life will teach us, eventually we will need each other.

One day medicine will make us more aware; of the suffering we seek to cure needed our attention in what we tend to miss of enjoying more love and laughter while we still have time to do it.

Someday we shall discover; real treasures in one another.

U + ME

In starting over in a new relationship it's not impossible for a person to commit in supporting with love in properly raising the kids, from a previous relationship. Now there may be challenges in the beginning of it. Just remember we all come with some baggage. 

Therefore some people who will say “they prefer no kids”. Good luck with that. Just pray this person is not selfish. Then there are those people who will say the children struggle from resentment of a missing paternal parent. Some people will attempt to buy the child or children’s respect. Some parent may be bitter because the relationship did not work. Some people will end up with other people who cannot bare kids, so they make a pack to in pregnate the surrogate. Some people will come straight in with tough love. And put in work. And sometimes they may or not be appreciated in worth. 

Regardless of what your relationship status is or if you’re looking to be involved with other people with kids. The reality is we’re all trying to figure out what works and fits in this puzzle call life.  

So why do we write off our happiness? If we can't stay together and make it work then we have to decide whether it’s time to move forward and let go. Before letting our feelings get to low.

Confusion stems from not knowing what is changing in our lives. Letting go means we have to start on a new chapter. Learning is a part of the process of what is dormant in the genetics; that already existed in which we struggle to understand in one another's head & actions. Because once we cohabitate in more than many ways; we will create bonds then later learn who we are, then become.  

If a man work’s to support his responsibilities; is he wrong to rationalize if that woman is not standing up right by his side, because some men and woman are committed even when time test their patience.  

If a child see's his father or mother with another woman or man? What affect does it carry through their life until they are no longer children?

If a child has witnessed mental or physical abuse; what will happen if they have not worked on themselves?

If a person has experienced infidelity; how do we immediately expect them to respect change?

If a person has been hurt and rejected; how can we say they have issues. Without admitting our own contributions?

Once you get passed the sting of disappointment or moving on. Take a moment to recap what could of been better or worse in that relationship. Then allow yourself permission to process what we don't take accountability for in ourselves. 

FINDING MYSELF

A family will have and make due in their differences. No matter whose your's is. We all have to mature in our own skin to respect one another in our choices. And when we choose to do things in our own way people do show distress in processing our change.

One thing I've noticed in any family. Is the influence we have over one another; good or bad. So therefore we can't possibly please one another enough; no matter what we attempt to do. Or prove "I do love, need and respect you". Because at the end of the day no matter what life sends our way; we still seek that protection and love from our family. And if you are disconnected from your family tree, then it's who you consider to be their in place of your blood line family.

People have lost relationships due to family influence. And in some cases the partition may have been for that person's well being and interest. Because family know who their love one really is. But not who they become in their own private relationships.Or in search of themselves to find or figure out what their own happiness should be about.

How is it we manage to connect with people and create a strong bond or extended family? Such as a new significant other, a baby daddy or baby momma, friends who become important in our lives. The fact is that we cannot deny the bonds we make then seek of;  companionship, protection, love and mutual understandings. But when we no longer can agree to disagree. Things and people change in reasoning. And what I mean is you're no longer granted permission to be your own person with a purpose and direction. Why, because of INFLUENCE that re-directs our focus.

I hear people say it everyday; I love my family but sometimes at a distance that is required to keep us in coordination.

I meet widows that are men and woman. They do get lonely and need that lingering touch and attention. So family comforts them the best they know how by safeguarding their lonely vulnerable hearts. Just be careful to not make it about yourself's. Are one day you will see they were just holding on hoping one day you would finally be happy.

I hear young people say "they don't get it bro", but what has not been done or heard under the son in the world we live in.

I hear a man tell a woman can you help me. The woman says you never come through when I need you. The man then said I can get some help, but I thought I could ask you first. But maybe its because the two woman he has really don't serve up to a full purpose.

I met a young woman who had an arranged marriage. Her family chose the man she will love and care for.

I met a woman who said this man I reside with for the past 11 years has to make a change, The problem is this man is still married with kids, And a girlfriend who unfortunately passed away last year.

I met a man with a plan. He is financially set. The story is he has 3 kids by 2 different woman. In which he has no problem with taking care of them. But any woman that comes into his life will take a seat until its her time.

I met single woman and men who said "I've got great friends" who I call on for things. But what they had to say where things you would not believe.

We all know family is the makeup in who we are, not what we become. And the purpose for the scenarios were to see how Influence and people make decisions and connections.

We believe we are strong, so we fight to accept the areas in which we are weak, We hurt when our efforts are not enough. We fear of being abandoned. We grow angry in our disappointments.We criticize what we reject. We rationalize in facing our own situations. We continue to create new relationships but we never deal with ourselves in a space we forgive.

Silly People

Our past is asleep, why not allow it to rest? Unless we're still trying to find unanswered questions in it.

To all my viewers I have one request. Which is please do not take this passage personal. This is not being sarcastic in a world filled with jokes. Where people forget to laugh and instead grow colder and lose hope. Before searching in each other to understand our own struggles.

I'm approaching the end of this chapter in life. And throughout it I remain at a lost for words even in my own emotions. Because we as a people swear we don't understand how we went wrong. So tomorrow I'll pick up another story in another day in time. To check back into the memoirs of our not so perfect self's. As we progress to figure our own self's out. Then hopefully one day we will either discover; the contributions we make and the seeds we plant into one another.

One confession that has proven it's truth is how pain brings out of us the best stories to share with one another. Our laughter softens the hardest hearts. And only time will spot light on who we have become.

But before we change for anything in this life in our understanding is where we have to get it right. Or else when we shut down in our own pivitol thinking. We have to be more cautious of whom we choose to close a door 🚪 too. And It does matter who they are.

I told my son If I leave behind nothing else besides love, wisdom and laughter in this life for you. I pray over your sane state of mind. But never confuse the love I have for you to find right in your wrong. Because life will deal you with some hands. Through people and for unknown reasons in every season. And this I would share with any daughter or son. Because I was blessed to be a parent of one.

So;
If you believe in love; be prepared to face challenges. Not everyone is prepared to experience something different. 
If you have to let, let go. Trust has to be earned. Not to be buried through for the real TRUTH.
If you have to move, move on. Time will not allow us to push rewind.
If you know you were not wrong, be prepared to live with it. Don't waste to much time trying to fix what remains as it is.
If your heart is hardened,  and you see no sense to change in it. Be prepared to remain in a small capsule of insanity.
If you're a giver; sometime prepare to be taken.
If you're a taker; prepare to be a giver. It's impossible to rob your way through life. Without paying a price. 
If you don't believe; suit up for reality.
If you are a liar; be prepared to face your truth.
If you are a changed person; be careful of what or whom could contribute to what you convert back into.

BUT,
If you are a Silly Person is this life; be prepared to be judged by people who don't take a long enough look back into the mirror at another SILLY PERSON dressed up in our best. For what is ahead of us in many TEST. Now that the ELEPHANT has entered the real world we can no longer remain little boys and little girls.

Did those people who had time to know me; not appreciate the friend who would answer in the midnight hour. The friend who never had a lot of money to give; but saw a need and stepped right in  to share. The friend who had her own disappointments and flaws; but always that friend who would made time to listen and help. The friend you took advantage of; thinking GOD would not always take care of.

Rated PG

This is not a question this is statement that was made.

That women think about sex just as much
as men. And one question is why do woman feel they are never satisfied, from being
penetrated just in between their thighs?

Sometimes you got to ask the right questions. Mix chemistry with the correct ingredients. Patience with one person at a time. To get the ultimate satisfaction for whatever it is to fulfill your deepest desires.

So why do men feel that sex is what all woman need to satisfy the most pertinent things. Such as giving her attention and listening with understanding. And why do woman feel sex is a bargaining chip to get a man whipped with control to keep a strong hold. So have I not grabbed enough of your penetration in thoughts? Are have you been aroused in places you avoid. Cause giving yourself to anyone is unfortunate. But sharing yourself with the one should never be wrong and complicated.

So does being placed in the friend zone mean you can cross boundaries and then later act as if nothing ever happened? In invited places to satisfy temporary sensations. And what could happen if we were a people of more patience; could we actually find ourselves not laying by any kind of persons side. Where questions may or not arise; just to be in a physical position to be satisfied. In between a set of thighs

Unfortunately people lose interest. In places they have or lack to pay more than enough attention. First, stemming in communication. And yes making love or having sex does require some acknowledgement.  In what has proven to last for years.  Or end in heated moments of physical attraction. Depending on the persons. Everyone is capable of offering something different. 

We can choose not to tell the truth but both male and female constantly seek substance in what is a required need.  And only you can relate to what is not being gave.

I waited and waited on the perfect match. But instead I constantly experienced some good and bad disappointments. And no, I don't limit my talents to sex. I'm referencing stimulation outside of the bed. So finally I figured out what my anticipations and being satisfied was all about. I needed to further figure myself out. Before I attempted to pleasure & please the next person who blast on immature needs, demonstrated in their reckless ways. Instead of having a more mature level of acceptance and appreciation of their own needs.

Eventually we figure out that pleasing one another. Is not limited to satisfying ourselfs.
And knowing what is missing is not solved in one mission and multiple positions.

It took one man with patience, not from my pain. To convince me of what he had of passion in his strong ♥ and hands. Is when he initiated the time to show me what appreciation feels like. And because of this man who showed me; how a hidden treasure should be protected.

I lived the majority of my life knowing appreciation may not always be reciprocated. So why should settling ever be negotiated. Where we are guilty to shut down on having something new in life for excuses in misery, then death?

KNOCK KNOCK!

Is anyone home? Love stop bye with a telegram. But only if you’re prepared to sign for it.

Some people claim LOVE no longer exists, while others refuse to live and not have it. So if you are NOT SUPPOSE TO CARE ANYMORE, THEN ASK YOURSELF “WHAT AM I STILL RUNNING FROM”?

And when a person says they know how to for fill a need. We’re not going to assume their talking about everything; such as being touched in those fragile unkissed places. So what do I mean is this some people have been burnt if not heart broken, abandoned, and rejected if not blind sided? Unfortunately life has its own directions for all of us to experience.

A mother can love her child their entire life. Daddy can mentor and protect for his allotted permission in time.  And once the both of them are no longer around; the time will come for babies and children to mature, think and stand as grow women and men on their own.

I have no regrets in being positive in the negative. Caring with tenderness and affection at times with a person who rejected it. I have no doubt time will change any human feelings. And just because life takes 1 turn for the BETTER OR WORSE. It does not mean we have to wait for permission to be HAPPY, again.

• I’m not saying we’re all going to reciprocate and appreciate the same feelings regarding being loved by one another in this life. What I’m saying is we will all learn having what we want, is not having what we need in the END.  

Double standards contribute to more than an abundance of heartaches in men and woman. And people will bring out the real you; giving LOVE a purpose in slowly changing the things you claim to never do.

Tattle Tale

It’s easy in this life to get what you want, than to have what we need. So people reject the truth to not accept change  that requires maturity. In what another woman or man will allow them in continuing to do of childish ways and attitude.

Single people have to be careful when crossing the line into married people’s lives. And married people have to be more committed in what they both took a vow to do; with one another no matter what life takes them through.

What is it about the truth we refuse to accept?

When someone is always going to blame the other for not; communicating, stepping up are being in love. And there is always going to be the next “woman” or “man” available for whatever they can have in their hands. With no commitment.

A single person chooses to lay alone or with someone for companionship. A married person has a mate they know will eventually fill that space. And when life happens boundaries are crossed. Because people shut down to justify “feeling themselves”.  So what I mean is; we don’t always have a justifiable excuse to do what we think is greener on the other side to do.

As I rock myself to sleep tonight I ask GOD if LOVE is the greatest gift of all; then how did we manage to damage one another. Instead of building up each other. And why are there so many people who act as if they are not looking for companionship; just sex. Then find themselves even lonelier. Because people will remove some precious jewels out of you.

June 9th, 12 am

I spoke with a friend who expressed trouble in the marriage. I just listened to hear; I don’t feel loved and I’m hanging in there for the kids. Because my mate does not comprehend how to “reciprocate” or “receive” love or affection. I’m thinking how in the hell is this possible. But the reality is people do adapt to it.

The friend continued to say “this person remains selfish and contempt in ways”.  I said when was the last time you both communicated and “prayed” without walking away? The answer was I ask to do counseling, the answer was no. My response was I been a single woman my entire life because I cared for people who did not want to grow with me. And instead of walking away I wasted time and stuck in there for change. Then one day I learned to take baby steps & first identify if that person had the most important ingredient. Which was an open mind to always be open to work on one another. And if we can’t fight together then we have already lost the battle.

And as single woman I can hear what this person is missing. But it's not my responsibility to satisfy whom he really desires. And it's not always the person in whom they choose. Sometimes people need time to heal their own wounds. 

I see woman and men surrender help in weaker than stronger SELF -ESTEEM places. With good and bad intentions. Because both men and woman prey on people who don’t require change in what they have not been taught to see. So how do we respect WHAT we have yet to appreciate. To always blame something is wrong with a person who desires the drive to see we can have more? 

I hear people say I been with that person for years. With or without kids. And in some relationships "people say they have arrangements". And what does that mean? So the question is do you grow together or separate apart? And can you ever reciprocate or show someone else you care. Once you have figured why the person who never returned mentally. After walking away physically?

I see people say I'm deep in love. Or is it infatuation after numerous sexting with limited communication. But yet we're not looking for nothing. To end up with nothing. After sharing everything. Including meeting the family. 

I hear men and woman say "I don't wont no relationship" but they search all night on social media land. To find "what is available out there". And in those hardships and lonely nights where they are ashamed to reveal their true self's in a different light. You would be surprised about who never showed up in their shaken times. 

I commend the old fashion ways. Maybe it saves some of us from our reckless ways. Then maybe we can admit to why; do some men or women date for years. Or common law marriage without; a marriage ceremony ? Do we really believe we can play full house for life and manage to hold onto what it will take us through for life. Marriage is no longer "respected" and some people's focus is more on who will next upgrade my shoulder. But happens when father time takes roll call and the physical, material things and money; fade away. Who will walk, where the other remains. I foolishly stayed with a man who said "I'd rather be dead" than to have some one care for me when I'm ill. I said hardships, reckless choices and death will break any persons spirit. So why would you entertain a full life with holding onto people who could possess no desire to be by your side.  

And no, not every human being in this world is filled with hell or disconnected. There are people like me who love life and anyone who cross our paths. And I have not forgotten about “father time” and the husband or widow left behind. The reality is everybody will need somebody in this life. And although we don't get to choose who we will love of our family, exes and kids. There are some voids that can only be filled with a different type of LOVE. People are showing they no longer have. 

Human

I heard this young lady crying out loud as she said to her mother "after two babies" I don't understand why don't he love me anymore. I said to that young lady "it is required that we first learn to love ourselves" before we can identify being loved by some else.

Praise God in the good and bad. Praise God in our no boundaries of relationships. We've got to work on each other. Regardless if we don't find forever. There is still power in what we need and expect out of one another.

If God granted us permission over our life choices. What are the chances we would take advantage of having our wants instead of our needs? And if we could prove that money is the key to restoring happiness. Then would we make a change in our selfish ways. Because money does not buy people who fall in and out of love.  It just brings to the light people who waiver to stick around.

I know that someone out there has to say "how do you really supply another person needs, if we ourselves have not accepted what we NEED to find a way to be internally happy". Men are the hunters. Which is true but "but a lion does not always have to roar" therefore not every woman has to take whatever he plays her through. And I know there are woman who also play mind games. But remember we established "men are hunters, and females are the prey" So therefore whomever you select to care about and it does not work out. Don't hurt the next person who chooses to stick by your side. Because of this hunter who seeks his prey that chose not to follow who struggles to lead?

Communication and caring about someone is not that complicated. Most of the time it goes unappreciated in the amounts; we pour out. And with men and woman it does require time to see who is growing or struggling to remain a child.

This was not a kindergarten crush when I met a man two years ago. And I noticed his head hung very low. In 2015 I picked up on a vibe and shared God is still on your side. One year went bye and in June 2016 he extended to me an invitation to stop bye; anytime. And yes I set forth my requirements of one day being in a healthy relationship. And it was not limited to having him.  So at this point he had more than enough time to be honest about the things he could not later hide. About his personal life.

If I had only waited on God's permission.  But instead I chose to not judge. That first late night knock on the window pain and key turn in the door lock. And no this female was not his wife.  So I continued on focusing on how he labored. And later on in this friendship he grew aggitated. The moment he began to show me he did care. And in August 2016 his life had a small delay. I said "if you can help me complete this home project, I promise to reward you for all your hard work" We sat down and planned a 4 day weekend on what we needed for completion. I admit he mentioned avoiding relationships. But he also mentioned over and over again how his choices caused him  "disappointments". So how can we judge if both men and woman are settling.

Then in September 2016 this man received a call "it was a prayer answered we once said together that weekend at the dinner table. And yes, I always asked would u pray with me. And he did every time without one peep.

It's not rare people say one thing.  And show you another. Then contradict what happened. So the next few months passed and I remember feeling distant. For one he had to learn the importance of communication. With a different category of woman.

One day at his place I looked into his eyes and inquired are you still married. And if so are you planning to divorce. Little did I know he was missing his first love. He slowly said "YES". I ask then why did you not share your truth the entire time I stuck by your side; then you would of had no reason to blame me for being by your side. Instead of depending on those home girls or your wife. Recently he said to me because a man does not speak. It does not mean he is not thinking and planning. And at the end of April 2017 there will be a change. This is now May of 2017. And if you allow time to rob you of what is not of eventually "us". Then you have no one to fault regardless of the involvement.

It's now been 1 year and 11 months later. I've met a couple of children in a planned environment and assisted in with some personal situations. And we always had a difference of understanding when it involved "I always had my own stuff" and because of what he managed to have of obligations to other woman.  I took notice and cared about his basics. So there is the truth and lies translated in every story line. This man invited me into his personal space. And yes he stated he had no interest in a relationship. But he always created unfinished business. And never failed to seek me for support where there was never a cricket line answer. So one day he had the nerve to ask "how did you know so much information" because he had planned to walk away May 24th before saying goodbye. I said to him were you not paying attention. It was me there the entire time. So when people don't understand why a woman or man go through matters of the hearts. Maybe we need to start fixing the lingering issues and lies in our own fragile hearts. To appreciate a person more; who refuses not to settle.

To any woman or man. Stop faulting yourself and losing sleep at night for wanting to share happiness and pain in someone else's life. We often give more than the other person thinks of. The sad part is People will try to fix their self inflicted situations through other peoples compassion. With the intention of gluing back together; their own rejected happiness.

Last month I met a new gentleman who did share of interest in a relationship and building a foundation.  And if we have not figured it out; there is a bigger world than the one we choose to shut down. And again I did ask questions before jumping into another situation of financial obligations and undealt with emotions. And to be honest every person has some stuff to deal with. So taking time to work on yourself is not as lonely as people say it is. The price is more rewarding. On the day when the time is right for the both of you to know; working together is working on one another. And that diamond that men cherish the most; will then be sit upon a pedestal.

Did I make a few choices; yes. But they were not all mistakes. This man swear I had the wrong intentions. See how we are twisted. Did I ask God for a husband; yes before I knew the woman God would mold me into. But God had some work in me to do. So the offer of friendship with casual sex and a penis with a man. Never did quench my thirst. I appreciate the communication I have grown to respect in any type of relationship. Somehow this man matured me in ways I will never forget.And I will educate any man who comes for me. If its not me whenever you enter into a woman's vagina; she feels it in her heart. And the type of people we choose will teach us the rules of engagement. Therefore you continue to create news relationships" no matter what people say they want. Just be more mindful of what the both of you settle for.

And after all our differences. I ask this man when you get your finances together what will you do for me? He looked at me and said "let me see" about a road trip just you and me. And to be honest it took all the drama to get him to say "those words for one moment,  I believed on that "day".

As young girls we do fall in love with the fantasy of make believe. And once we mature into young ladies and young men the “reality” teaches the both of us; more mature things in the false and truth in fantasies. So why is it or not important today; of how we invest our time and thoughts in fairy tales, story lines, monetary things and physical attributes. To end up struggling with what we want.

 "If u work on me, I will work on you". Until then there is more work in us individually to do.